Camera Shy

You guys know so much about me, that sometimes I forget that you don't know everything. You know about my ten extra pounds, what I'm reading, or wearing, or listening; you know about my childhood, my family, my history, my love of secrets…there's a lot you know. 

What you might not know, is that before I became an herb-lover, a cook, a crafter, a blogger, an organizer, a homesteader, a jack-of-some-trades, I studied filmmaking. I have a BA in filmmaking with a major in screenwriting, or something like that. 

I have always loved movies. As a very emotional, curious, and empathetic child, raised without much access to media,  movies and TV attracted me like light a moth. They were windows in to other worlds, proof that life existed beyond my small, grey, middle-class town. Like books, they offered an escape hatch into another reality. 

When I was about five, my mom took me with her to see Wim Wenders' Wings Of Desirea German film with subtitles, and even though I could not read, I got every part of it so viscerally that watching it still gives me goosebumps, and makes me choked up.  

I went to film school, because of a conviction that films could genuinely change something. That cinematic fiction specifically holds a lot of power in our world. And because I thought I had something to say, and that film was the means to say it.

I came out of film school disillusioned by the narrowness of the Finnish film scene, by the prospect of doing menial-seeming creative work for a living, and as a means to an end before I could make things that really mattered to me. Like most idealistic people, I found it impossible to navigate the amount of compromises required to get to say the things I wanted to say. As an introvert, I turned out to be terrible at making the connections required in a highly insular, and status conscious world. Instead I moved to the country, and watched movies for pleasure only. 

Dress-bought from Field Day Wearables (an awesome fair, US-made and sustainable company based out of Oakland California) 2015/ jacket- free from The Dump circa 2010/ hat- a gift from Emmy, last week <3 

Dress-bought from Field Day Wearables (an awesome fair, US-made and sustainable company based out of Oakland California) 2015/ jacket- free from The Dump circa 2010/ hat- a gift from Emmy, last week <3 

In the last few years, I've come around to the idea of making movies again. The old filmmaking instinct in me, has been stirring around a few small scale, local projects about things I care deeply for: community, activism, animism, wild nature, magic, feminism...

I've been gathering equipment, materials, ideas, resources, with a few specific goals in mind.

This spring, when our local film festival announced three grants for short-filmmakers, I decided to participate with a script that spoke truth to certain things about my community, while still being light, and funny. It was fun to write, but I didn't think much of it. I figured maybe I'd make it sometime when I had the chance. Maybe in the fall, maybe next spring...

Except that… I WON ONE OF THE GRANTS! So if you don't see me for most of August, it's because I'm scrambling to get this little film done!

Wish me luck! 

ps. How's that for not vague-blogging?

pps. I will not be making a super-8 movie right now, maybe later. Strictly digital age here ;)